This one came from my abusive ex while we were married, and sadly, from my mother’s oldest son years after I left. It comes in the form of “get over it” too.
When a person has been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it takes a long time to process or come to peace and heal themselves. Everyone’s long time is different.
It’s been 21 years for me.
In 1997 I had developed very few coping skills after an 18 year battle filled marriage. I learned no relationship skills in my dysfunctional origin family, which is still deeply dysfunctional. My exes family is as well.
Therapy has been life altering for me. It’s great to have a professional eye on my perception of the world. And between my messed up family and the length of time it’s taken me to process 18 years of abuse, there is no one close to me to go to. Ptsd and cptsd are common in domestic violence survivors. Women’s mental health is often dismissed, mocked, ignored. Shame and guilt stay with us for a long time.
A network of friends to speak freely to may not be accessible to us. So we speak, write, blog, pod, and get therapy for the violence brought into our lives.
We’re not out here looking for pity. We want this shit to stop. We want a culture where a man’s violence is not rewarded and women’s anger is heard, not mocked.
Anger is cathartic, writing is cathartic, speaking is cathartic.
We’re out here healing so we can find and share a medicine that will eradicate this epidemic.