This one came from my abusive ex while we were married, and sadly, from my mother’s oldest son years after I left. It comes in the form of “get over it” too.

When a person has been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it takes a long time to process or come to peace and heal themselves. Everyone’s long time is different.

It’s been 21 years for me.

In 1997 I had developed very few coping skills after an 18 year battle filled marriage. I learned no relationship skills in my dysfunctional origin family, which is still deeply dysfunctional. My exes family is as well.

Therapy has been life altering for me. It’s great to have a professional eye on my perception of the world. And between my messed up family and the length of time it’s taken me to process 18 years of abuse, there is no one close to me to go to. Ptsd and cptsd are common in domestic violence survivors. Women’s mental health is often dismissed, mocked, ignored. Shame and guilt stay with us for a long time.

A network of friends to speak freely to may not be accessible to us. So we speak, write, blog, pod, and get therapy for the violence brought into our lives.

We’re not out here looking for pity. We want this shit to stop. We want a culture where a man’s violence is not rewarded and women’s anger is heard, not mocked.

Anger is cathartic, writing is cathartic, speaking is cathartic.
We’re out here healing so we can find and share a medicine that will eradicate this epidemic.

The full series is here:

  1. DV A Series
  2. Trust Your Gut
  3. DV Is Common
  4. How Could You Put Up With That?
  5. Why didn’t you tell anyone?
  6. What did you do?
  7. You stayed so long, it couldn’t have been that bad
  8. Why are you playing the victim?
  9. Why can’t you just get over it?
  10. Why didn’t you call the police?
  11. Bruises fade. The impact of DV lasts for decades
  12. How to help someone heal after Domestic Violence
  13. DV, a leading cause of homelessness
  14. Why does it all still bother you? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  15. Why can’t you let your anger go? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  16. How could you put up with that? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  17. Why didn’t you tell anyone? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  18. You stayed so long it couldn’t have been that bad (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  19. Why are you playing the victim? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  20. Why can’t you just get over it? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  21. Why didn’t you call the police? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)