In writing this series, I’m also sharing questions people asked me after I left an abusive 18 year marriage and divorced in 1997. People still ask them of people who leave today.
Why did you put up with that?
Looking back, there were signs of course. I was young and looking for a way out of my dysfunctional origin family so it was easy to overlook red flags and jump into a very bad situation.
I was immature and had no example of healthy intimate relationships. Toxic people were normal to me so he felt familiar. We were 7 years apart in age
Within the first months of being married
..He dragged me off our bed, straddled and choked me
..Called me a cunt for not obeying him
..Repeatedly told me I was worthless
..Hit me in the face for the first time
..Told me I was fat at 130 lbs
He hadn’t done anything like that while we dated, though he was quite arrogant and careless with my feelings, which was that familiarity thing.To be completely open, I knew I made a mistake that first year. The pressure to uphold my promise (vows, church), shame and inexperience in life added to my lack of confidence to go it on my own. I naively believed things would get better.
I’m 57 now and know how my upbringing and exposure in a #narcissistic family environment clouded my ability to recognize a toxic person. Every person’s experience of #domesticviolence is different. Learning how to let love, peace, joy, intimacy, and trust back in my life…has not been easy but it’s amazing.
#stop #domesticviolence and #domesticabuse AND #toxicrelationships
#believesurvivors #whyididntreport #whywomendontleave