In writing this series, I’m also sharing questions people asked me after I left an abusive 18 year marriage and divorced in 1997. People still ask them of people who leave today.

Why did you put up with that?

Looking back, there were signs of course. I was young and looking for a way out of my dysfunctional origin family so it was easy to overlook red flags and jump into a very bad situation.

I was immature and had no example of healthy intimate relationships. Toxic people were normal to me so he felt familiar. We were 7 years apart in age

Within the first months of being married
..He dragged me off our bed, straddled and choked me
..Called me a cunt for not obeying him
..Repeatedly told me I was worthless
..Hit me in the face for the first time
..Told me I was fat at 130 lbs

He hadn’t done anything like that while we dated, though he was quite arrogant and careless with my feelings, which was that familiarity thing.To be completely open, I knew I made a mistake that first year. The pressure to uphold my promise (vows, church), shame and inexperience in life added to my lack of confidence to go it on my own. I naively believed things would get better.

I’m 57 now and know how my upbringing and exposure in a #narcissistic family environment clouded my ability to recognize a toxic person. Every person’s experience of #domesticviolence is different. Learning how to let love, peace, joy, intimacy, and trust back in my life…has not been easy but it’s amazing.

#stop #domesticviolence and #domesticabuse AND #toxicrelationships
#believesurvivors #whyididntreport #whywomendontleave

 

The full series is here:

  1. DV A Series
  2. Trust Your Gut
  3. DV Is Common
  4. How Could You Put Up With That?
  5. Why didn’t you tell anyone?
  6. What did you do?
  7. You stayed so long, it couldn’t have been that bad
  8. Why are you playing the victim?
  9. Why can’t you just get over it?
  10. Why didn’t you call the police?
  11. Bruises fade. The impact of DV lasts for decades
  12. How to help someone heal after Domestic Violence
  13. DV, a leading cause of homelessness
  14. Why does it all still bother you? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  15. Why can’t you let your anger go? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  16. How could you put up with that? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  17. Why didn’t you tell anyone? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  18. You stayed so long it couldn’t have been that bad (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  19. Why are you playing the victim? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  20. Why can’t you just get over it? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)
  21. Why didn’t you call the police? (Flipping the question | Ask the right questions)