Bruises fade. The unseen impacts of domestic violence last for decades.
What you can see, can move you. What is invisible, or misunderstood, you might judge.
Don’t do that.
This one came from my abusive ex while we were married, and sadly, from my mother’s oldest son years after I left. It comes in the form of “get over it” too. When a person has been in an abusive relationship for a long time, it takes a long time to process or come to peace and heal themselves. Everyone’s long time is different. It’s been 21 years for me. In 1997 I had developed very few coping skills after an 18 year battle filled marriage. I learned no relationship skills in my dysfunctional origin family, which is still deeply…
There were parts of my thinking that warped over time into an outwardly expressed persona that i didn’t recognize because i was so convinced my vows were law, which meant “I made my bed” etc. So i was going along to get along as they say somewhere. And because I was a wife in the 80s, in Texas, in another deeply dysfunctional family, married to an insecure violent man who found my passionate, liberal, kind, often positive outlook something intolerable (and his thinking was supported by a culture that did not care about my survival) i stayed.
This question is yesterday’s news… It’s 30 years ago news for Peri Johnson. It’s hundreds of years of news for women around the world. It’s hundreds of years of us turning our backs on women of color, who fight on. It’s decades of trans people being kicked aside. It’s churches at their core. It’s LGBTQ people being silenced. It’s today’s agenda for abusers. It’s today’s defense strategy for dv victims. It’s white conservative women’s (and too many progressive women’s) internalized misogyny. This question is yesterday’s news…yesterday’s vote and the recent SCOTUS vote. Victim blaming. Fuck that. The full series is…
If you suspect something’s happening, trust your gut. Safely check in with them: *Be direct and say you’re worried. *Don’t judge. *They may not be ready to leave (took me the last 7 years of 18 yrs of abuse). *Give them 1000 chances to talk to you. *When they’re ready, trust them 100% Domestic violence happens in every identifying group, every culture, every range of wealth, every age, every religion, every range of education. #domesticviolence #domesticabuse #believesurvivors #whyididntreport #whywomendontleave DV A Series Trust Your Gut DV Is Common How Could You Put Up With That? Why didn’t you tell anyone?…
Dr. Ford was the strength so many of us continue to work hard to find. She, like Dr. Hill, stood for us. The SCOTUS outcome was what many of us expected and all of us will be impacted for decades by one more misogynistic sexual predator who expected he was entitled to every body he assaulted.
Women in America are mandated to wear the shame and guilt of being abused.
Schumer caved. We get it there are hard decisions to be made. Don’t patronize us. In this toxic climate though, it has become clear he’s forgotten the decisions to be made are how to find the ways to stop this corrupt, vile, destructive administration from wreaking decades of damage on us citizens through these appointments. Schumer looked past that fact and stuck us with judges who now have the freedom to flex in any direction they like. Calling them uncontroversial is Schumer’s and his aide’s lazy way of telling us to not worry our pretty little heads.
Turns out Michael Ian Black and Stephen Colbert are in the “other people will handle this” camp. And when the men who present themselves as on the right side of standing up for women, step back with their hands up telling us “Nope, we draw the line at holding our revered predators accountable”, we have a real problem with who we thought were our own.